Hello, everyone, and welcome back to another edition of Kick Out at Nitro, the Internet’s favorite WCW retrospective as voted by our moms. Today we’re taking a look at the March 18th episode of Nitro, the go-home show to WCW UnCensored.
The show starts off with a bang with The Giant and Loch Ness beating down each other in the entrance way. This is interesting as Nitro has NEVER started off already in progress like this. Bischoff tells us that we’re supposed to see Loch Ness VS Lex Luger but Giant is out beating the crap out of Loch Ness while Jimmy Hart cheers on. Luger’s music starts up and Luger nonchalantly walks out and poses with his two title belts, totally ignoring the bedlam on his right. He walks by, nods at it, and walks off lifting his belts and smirking. This was awesome. I’m loving Luger here recently, as I’ve stated multiple times over the last few weeks, but him no-selling this and just posing was awesome.
Match #1: Loch Ness VS “The Total Package” Lex Luger
Referee Randy Anderson starts the count, counting Loch Ness out.
Winner: Lex Luger via count out
Luger celebrates like he just won the title. Jimmy Hart runs into the ring and jumps into Luger’s arms, but Luger shrugs him off and looks to still not be all about celebrating with Hart. The announcers are giving Luger crap and Luger comes up to the announce booth, saying he just won WCW’s shortest title defense ever. He tells Mongo this is like a football game ending on the coin toss. Luger looks for a high five from Mongo but gets nothing. Bobby Heenan is happy to oblige, however.
Bischoff tells us that we’ll get a replacement match and we go to commercial.
Back from commercial break we hear the voice of Tony Schiavone, which threw me off a bit since we never hear Tony on non-PPVs. Tony brings out Hulk Hogan and Randy Savage. Tony says that the Mega Powers are on a roll, not only in tonight’s Texas Tornado tag team match, but that Savage will also be in the Doomsday Cage Match. Tony says that Hogan announced this last week on Nitro, but that didn’t happen. Hogan & Savage cut a promo on the match, including Hogan saying that the good thing about the match is that “no stinkin’ titles are on the line.” Um…you mean that title you have been bitching about for three months now, Hogan?
Out of nowhere, this promo really seemed out of place. I don’t know if that’s 2015 me looking at it through an awkward lense or if it really seems out of place in the context…but it really just came across as hokey out of nowhere and not reflective of WCW at the time. It stuck out as really 80’s WWF to me…which is what it was…and that just didn’t play right in my mind.
We go to another quick break and back to…
Match #2: Public Enemy VS The Steiner Brothers
“Here’s the story of two brothers, Rick and Scott…” WCW’s music was so silly at times. Although, Steinerized always had a place on my PS3 and in my WWE games every single year. The Steiners are my absolute favorite tag team of all time so there’s going to be a lot of fanboy gushing over the next few months.
Bischoff starts off telling us that there won’t be any textbook wrestling in this match, however, the match starts with some decent chain wrestling from Scotty Steiner and Rocco Rock. Steiner gets a good tilt-a-whirl slam and a gorilla press, showing us how freakishly strong he is.
Bischoff randomly tells us that Dennis Rodman just got suspended for six games and fined for using a headbutt, so he must be getting ready for UnCensored. He says maybe we’ll see Rodman hooking up with Hogan at the PPV! Oddly enough, he’s right…just a little over a year too early. Rodman starts showing up around this time next year. We also find out that Sting will be joined by Booker T against the Road Warriors at the Chicago Street Fight on Sunday.
This has been a really good match, truthfully. Bischoff states that Public Enemy are “wrestling up” to the Steiner Brothers’ level, and that’s kind of true. They’ve been really competitive.
Bischoff mentions the Cruiserweight Championship tournament, taking place over two continents, including a former Olympic athlete. I’m not sure who this is.
All four men start going at it. Rick gets laid out on a table at ringside which Rocco attempts to dive through. Scott pulls his brother out of the way and Rock goes through the table. In the ring, Scott lifts up Johnny Grunge and Rick hits the top rope bulldog off of his shoulders for the win.
Winners: The Steiner Brothers
We go to commercial break and get the Up Next graphic for or next match, which is…
Match #3: “The Enforcer” Arn Anderson w/ Woman VS The Booty Man
Bischoff tells us that at UnCensored, Booty Man will be wrestling DDP. If DDP loses, he loses his career.
Booty Man starts off with a headlock on Arn, wrenching it and then dancing his way out of an Irish whip. Wow…’96 Shane was an idiot. I’m just saying.
Booty Man rams Arn’s head into the top turnbuckle for a 5 count then the middle for 5 more. I feel bad for Arn.
Arn does this really cool thing after a whip to the corner. He staggers out and looks to almost feed into a move from Booty Man but he grabs the top rope, falls to the mat and rolls himself out of the way in one motion. Booty Man follows him out and he’s immediately met with a knee to the gut for his trouble.
Kim comes out, wearing white again, cheering on Booty Man.
Booty Man has Arn in the corner and Woman takes off her shoe. She goes after Kim, though, which brings out Booty Man to defend her. Arn hits a double axe handle and sends Booty Man back into the ring, though, but he’s met with a high knee (get it? Hiney?) as he tries to enter himself.
Winner: The Booty Man
We get the Saturday Night rundown. Road Warriors VS Public Enemy. Sting VS Sir Robert Eaton. Luger defending the TV Title against Brad Armstrong. Eddie Guerrero VS Alex Wright. Ric Flair…the champion…wrestling Sgt. Craig Pittman. Wow. That’s very interesting.
Match #4: The Road Warriors VS The Nasty Boys
Wow, are we going to get our first 5 match Nitro? Granted, one of them was the Luger gimmick at the beginning, but still…Nitro has went from 3 matches to 4 and now to 5.
According to Meltzer, the Nastys had been let go to free up money to bring in the Steiners. That’s why the whole “beat down in the back” thing happened last week. Looks like they’re back, though.
Bischoff yet again tells us that we’re not going to get scientific wrestling in this match and this time I’m inclined to believe him. All four men start brawling as we go to commercial break, including one for UnCensored. Bischoff said earlier that we would not get replays or pictures from this event on Nitro since it is unsanctioned and uncensored. I like the selling point to this PPV…it’s just that UnCensored is almost always the worst PPV of the year.
The Nastys are tapes up, selling the injuries from their off screen beat down last week. Knobbs gets knocked off of the apron onto the guardrail, bringing out Animal to start hitting both Nastys with a chair. Not a folding chair, mind you…just a blue plastic chair like you would see in a classroom. He does so right in front of referee Nick Patrick…actually OVER Nick Patrick, but the match is not called DQ and continues on.
Heenan says that there have been no legal tags in this match and that it has been like a Chicago Street Fight, but Bischoff cuts that off quick and says “No, no it hasn’t!” Funny that he doesn’t want this to come across like something we’d possibly see at the PPV when they give away PPV main events all the damn time. He’s true, though…Nick Patrick continues his run as terrible ref in this match as he absolutely loses control in this match.
Out come the Steiners, distracting everyone long enough for Animal to replay what he did last week and nail Knobbs with his spiked arm pad for the win.
Winners: The Road Warriors
The Road Warriors and Steiners brawl to the back as we go to commercial.
Match #5: Texas Tornado Match: “Taskmaster” Kevin Sullivan & “Nature Boy” Ric Flair (WCW Champion) w/ Woman VS Hulk Hogan & “Macho Man” Randy Savage
So…a Texas Tornado match, we’re told, has no tags and no rules. This follows a tag match with no tags and no rules. Leading into a PPV with no rules…
The match starts and everyone beats down everyone. Hogan has Flair on the outside, sending him into the guard rail and attacking him with someone’s foam Macho Man hat.
Climbing back into the ring, Flair comes in on the top rope and Hogan sends him to the mat. He backs him into the corner, bites him, then sends him into the corner again. The Mega Powers double team Sullivan, then split back off, trading opponents. Hogan, on the outside, wraps a cord around Sullivan’s neck and choking him. What the serious hell, Hogan?! I know there are no rules and that the babyfaces are coming back after months of beatdowns, but still, I think we should draw the line at strangling your opponent, don’t you think? As a babyface, that’s a little too heelish for my tastes.
The announcers mention Rodman for the third damn time on this show, talking about how much they hope he shows up to UnCensored. It’s gonna be really awkward if he doesn’t.
Flair locks on the Figure 4 on Savage while Hogan puts the same move on Sullivan. Hogan always looks so awkward when he’s putting the move on, though. He doesn’t do the turn…he steps through the leg and lays down.
Savage reverses the Figure 4 and Flair breaks out of it. Flair stands up and shoves Randy Anderson who returns by shoving the crap out of Flair, who bumps out of it.
Hogan sends Flair to the corner, following him in with a clothesline and then a few chops and punches while Savage is fighting with Sullivan on the floor. Bischoff tells us that we’re approaching 10 PM but they’re going to stay with the show as long as they can. Flair gets Hogan in the corner, gives one chop and it’s a one way ticket to No-Sell Town, population Hogan. They end up on the floor and Flair hits a low blow, which Hogan does sell.
Woman pitches Flair her shoe and he blasts Hogan in the face with ityet again. Flair goes for the pin and gets 2 before Hogan bench presses him Flair off of him and Hulks up. This brings out Arn Anderson as Hogan hits some punches and a big boot. Hogan this the ropes for the leg drop but Arn grabs his foot and trips him up. Hogan follows Anderson around the ring to where Brian Pillman is beating down Randy Savage. Yes, that’s right…Brian Pillman is back and beating down the babyfaces at ringside!
Out comes Booty Man to help even the odds.
We look up the entrance ramp at Zeus! Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the star of No Holds Barred and Friday is making his way down the ramp! He’s followed by a big white dude in face paint as well. The heels gather in the ring and run the babyfaces off.
Winners: No Contest
Flair grabs the mic and says “Hogan! Hogan! Do something about it!” Hogan is freaking out about Zeus as the babys bail.
Tony Schiavone gets in the ring with Flair, Anderson, Woman, Sullivan, Hart, Zeus and Big White Dude. Sullivan says that when Hogan invited in Savage to this match, he upped the ante and now he’s found the biggest threats he can to end Hulkamania. Jimmy Hart says that earlier Hogan said he and Savage were like Butch and Sundance, but in reality they’re more like “Dumber and Dumber.” Yep, he screwed it up. Arn refers to Booty Man as “Big Brother Booty.” That makes me sad. Sullivan says that “everybody in the world knows this man and what he did to you in the late 80s” as he points to Zeus. At this time, no, no I didn’t. I didn’t watch WWF and had never seen No Holds Barred, so I had no damn idea who this dude was. Tony pitches the cage match at UnCensored and we go back to the announcers.
Heenan is happy and yelling that we’re almost through with Hulk Hogan! Bischoff ends the show and pitches Saturday Night and UnCensored.
I remember them giving the two big dudes names on this show. I guess it didn’t happen, since I just watched it and it clearly didn’t happen, but Zeus is known as Z-Gangsta because WWF isn’t about to let them have that trademark. The other guy, The Final Solution (which will get changed because having a wrestler named after Hitler’s plan for genocide isn’t cool), is a guy named Jeep Swenson. Jeep would later find glory playing Bane in fellow staffer and resident champ Derick’s favorite movie, Batman & Robin. Arn also randomly says “the wolverine his back.” I’m guessing this refers to Pillman, but after years of Benoit being the “Rabid Wolverine” in WWE, it’s weird hearing that in reference to someone else.
All in all, not a bad show. The tag team division was the big star tonight as we saw 4 teams really go at it and that doesn’t even include the Tag Team Champions. We got a clustermuck (copyright Steve Austin) of a match in the main event but it’s all build around setting up the big cage match coming soon, so it wasn’t that big of a deal. Presumably we’ll see the finish to that angle at UnCensored. Dear Lord, I hope we do. I can’t take much more of this.
That’s going to be it for today, ladies and gentlemen. Join us back here in six days as we take a look at WCW UnCensored!
WWF Raw Ratings – 2.9
WCW Nitro Ratings – 3.6
(Raw – 10, Nitro – 13) (Tie Weeks – 2)
(Unopposed weeks – 4)
WWF’s longest Winning Streak (to this point) – 2
WCW’s longest Winning Streak (to this point) – 3
Not counting the week that Raw ran unopposed due to the Civil War movie (3/4), this is Nitro’s 3rd win in a row! We’re on a roll, folks! This is officially the longest winning streak in the Monday Night Wars thus far!
WWF Raw results from this week
Davey Boy Smith defeated Jake Roberts via count-out (4:52)
Goldust (c) defeated Fatu to retain the WWF Intercontinental Championship (4:39)
Diesel defeated Barry Horowitz (2:09)
Bret Hart (c) defeated Tatanka to retain the WWF Championship (8:48)
A Raw where I know everyone involved! How quaint! Not a bad looking show, honestly, and I could see it standing even with this episode of Nitro. That’s high praise if you check back over the course of my Raw results feedback, folks!